This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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