made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize