I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
