and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
