took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
