does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
