sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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