I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
