There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
