Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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