I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
