Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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