So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
