I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
not ubering you a puppy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
