Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
