Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
