worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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