about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
