you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize