Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
