Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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