Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize