you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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