I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
