I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
