If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize