The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize