well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
