Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is wine microwaveable?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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