**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
