no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
