I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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