Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
