I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
