Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
