Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
