i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
