What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
