I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
