you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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