hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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