Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
