i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize