I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize