It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
