she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
