The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my poor anus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
