Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
