I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's great music for shaving your balls
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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