I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
