i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
