my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
