i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
