At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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