You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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