the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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