'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
