Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think my moral compass just broke
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
