i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
