I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
