ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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