either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
