The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
