Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
