I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
